Whole...23?

Well, I failed. I made it through 23 days. 

Now let me try to explain what happened. I truly don't even know why I did it. I had barely eaten all day, and was sitting at work doing paperwork. There were chocolate-mint candies and I just grabbed them and put some in my mouth. "What did I just do?" I thought as I chewed. It was crazy! The mixture of not enough fuel in my body, boring paperwork, and hormones was what got me. It was dumb! It wasn't even a craving; like, I wouldn't normally even want those candies. It was just a moment of total oddness. 

I instantly went back to eating "normal" foods and I didn't notice TOO much difference except for burping more and heartburn. That kind of made me mad; I was hoping all the bad food would make me feel worse so I wouldn't want to eat it anymore! My Zantac 100 is being put to use. I think it's the dairy and grains that do it!

During Whole30, I watched a few documentaries on food. Food, Inc was a huge one that opened my eyes to all the CRAP that is in our "food" here in America!!! This, plus Whole30, has me thinking I'd like to eat mostly paleo, organic, and only grass-fed beef from now on. Chicken is questionable! 

Whole Foods opened on the other side of town and I love it. I bought some fresh organic blueberries, strawberries, and green beans and find myself craving them! I'm going to try another place called Fresh Thyme to get some more fresh produce and some meat. 

One thing that WAS worth it was the 15 pounds I lost!!! Whoo hoo!

Thank you all for the prayers during my Whole30 journey! That's the only reason I made it as far as I did! And most importantly, I gotta give a huge shout out to miss Katie because she is still going strong! Only 2 days left! I think we have both learned much during the process and will take it into account when making future food choices! 

 

Ten Years

A few months ago I started having horrible dreams about Jameson's death. I think my subconscious was thinking about how the 10 year anniversary was coming up. One morning after waking from one of them, the Lord gave me first two lines of this poem and a concept. Though we've been suffering on earth without him for 10 years, Jameson has been in Glory with Jesus for 10 years. 

Yesterday, I sat down and wrote the rest of the poem in about 10 minutes. There's a ton I could do to tweak it and alter it, but I want to leave it in its "natural" state. I called my Dad and Grandma to read it to them and it made Gram cry so I figured I would leave it as is. Here it is: 

Ten Years

10 years of sorrow

10 years of pain 

10 years of sadness

10 years of rain

Our lives changed on that day

Never the same

This world's tragic loss 

was Heaven's sweet gain

Jamo's with Jesus

Wouldn't come back again

He's had

10 years of joy

10 years above 

10 years of worship

10 years of love

10 years are gone

So much has changed

We all often wonder 

Where he'd be today

We may always ask why

We may never understand

But we know he's safe

In his Lord's precious hands

        -S.Seger

 

 

God bless Jamo's family today and always. Love them! 

 

Days 20-22

Friday, Day 20: I am getting sick of frying stuff and making my apartment smell so yucky! I thought my microwave vent was sending the smell out the roof but no, it just blasts it into my apartment! I now cook with the sliding glass door open and sometimes have a fan blowing outside!

Saturday, Day 21: Somehow I stumbled across 

this recipe and decided to try it. Horrock's had some sweet potatoes with "white flesh" but it tasted like a regular sweet potato! The avocado sauce was delicious and I highly recommend the recipe. I think next time I'll eat it with a regular potato though. 

Sunday, Day 22: I could not sleep until 3-something am! I woke up around 11 this morning and super hungry. I found another recipe from that same

blog and made it for breakfast. I cut it in half though because 4 bananas is a lot! This afternoon I took a 2 hour nap and ate a Larabar and that's all so far. Very weird day. That was only the 3rd nap I've had since day 1! Normally I nabbed five days a week, at least!

I've been watching food documentaries on Hulu, and boy, I don't want to eat this "food" we have in America! It's just disgusting what is done to process the "food" we eat on a regular basis. I'm definitely going to try to buy grass-fed or local beef only, as well as organic food as much as possible. 

I'm very ready to be done with this program, and if the right thing comes along, I will probably cheat and quit. But not on something crazy like donuts or anything! The documentaries are really making me change my thoughts on what I will eat. 

I'm going to go finish a documentary about a guy who eats 40 tsp of sugar a day. I bet that wouldn't be hard for me to do pre-Whole30! America loves sugar!

 

Days 17-19

Tuesday, Day 17: Bought some steak. Enjoyed it but was dying for A1 sauce. Also, I found some Tessamae dressing at Kroger! It took a half hour of scouring and asking for help, but finally found 2 flavors that were Whole30 approved. And, they were on sale! They're in the refrigerated salad dressing section, by the way. 

Wednesday, Day 18: Earlier this year I had the bright idea to have birthday celebrations at work. By celebrate, I mean bringing in delicious snacks and treats. It's a well-known fact that therapist love treats! Well, they celebrated Cindi's birthday on Day 18. There were two chocolate cakes, and a whole bag of Lindt chocolates. I want to just the lick of the frosting, but I didn't have any. Even when I was the last one in the office, I didn't have one single bite. 

I felt tired after work, almost like I could take a nap. I was probably exhausted from all that willpower I used! :D  Here's a video of the tempting treats in all their glory: https://instagram.com/p/BHQqyBxAMiq/

Thursday, Day 19: I don't have any groceries this morning and was all pouty. I don't get paid till Tuesday, so no big purchases until then. I did go to Kroger after work to get brussels sprouts, pineapple, bananas, and Larabars, which were on sale. For dinner I made steak, and roasted brussels sprouts. Very delicious! I had one bite of pineapple and couldn't believe how sweet it was! It almost made me feel sick. Hopefully I will feel like that when I write chocolate after this is done!

Has anyone else had weird dreams during their Whole30 experience?I've stop dreaming about cheating with noncompliant food, but I have multiple funny, crazy, and vivid dreams every night.

Our last day of Whole30 is July 11. I'm very excited for that day to come. I'll be singing "hallelujerrrr" from the rooftops!

 

Day...16?

The days all blend together at this point. A coworker brought in QD donuts, but I had a Larabar. Katie says she's never seen someone have so many treats at work and it's no wonder I crave such bad food!  

For dinner I had delicious eggs over easy with fried potatoes, half an avocado, and homemade ketchup. 

 

Now I want some cookies or cake but I ate a pluot and am having lime flavored Perrier instead. :*(

 

I'm not noticing many great results (yet?) except I have only taken 2 naps since I started. Some days it's a struggle to fight a nap, but I'm not dying to sleep as son as I get home. Only big plus so far. 

Guess I'll go watch Shark Week and try not to think about the chocolate and cookies and cake that I want. I'm such a baby, but man oh man, this is difficult. 

 

Days 12-15

Thursday, Day 12: 

Made Whole30 approved ketchup. Couldn't find tomato paste at Dollar Tree or in my cupboard so I used crushed tomatoes. It tastes very vinegar-like but the second day it was much better. 

Friday, Day 13:

Katie B. (not the Whole30 Katie) and two of the kids came over. We went to Sam's and the smell of the pizza was almost more than I could handle! I had to walk away. I miss pizza so much. My other Katie, the Whole30 partner, suggested eating chicken taco meat with eggs, so I tried it. Added some onion and avocado and it was good! Katie B. was hungry so I made enough for her, and she liked it! She liked the Whole30 ketchup more than I did. She had never had an avocado before so I put some on top of hers and she's now a fan. I couldn't survive without avocados! Haha ok maybe could, but I would miss them! 

Saturday, Day 14: Easy day. Went to the pool and brought snacks (fruit) and for lunch I made more of my chicken and egg stir-fry stuff. 

Later that nigh, Susan and I went to Faith Fest in DeWitt and they had cute little dessert trucks and I wanted some ice cream. Kate a Lara Bar and had some raisins and water. 

Sunday, Day 15: Church made me a little sad today. Pastor Joe was talking about how women from age 17-30 always ask him where the godly Christian men are and he says "they're not being raised" anymore. So that was about DEPRESSING because it's very try and I got really sad and almost cried during church. Then I attempted to check my tire pressure, didn't know if I was doing it right or not, and was hoping one of the men leaving church would see me in my gorgeous dress (it was, ok?!) and heels and offer to help. I then went to get my oil changed and asked them to check my tires. All of these annoying things that would be easier with a husband. (I also had to finagle this morning to get my dress on. Was wishing I wasn't alone then, too!) On the way back I really wanted some chocolate and/or cake and/or cookies. Like BAD. I think I realized my major trigger for binging. I eat when I'm sad/lonely. No wonder I got extra fat this last year. 

So I just ate some eggs, peppers, onions, and tomatoes with my homemade ketchup. Probably fruit for dessert. 

I'm so ready for this Whole30 to be over. I'm my feeling any better, I haven't cheated one single time, NOT EVEN A BITE, and I just want a little chocolate now and then. I still have very weird and vivid dreams, too. 

I hope the next 15 days go quickly. Ugh. 

 

Favorite Healthy Snack

I thought I would share my favorite healthy snack! Mom and I used to do this in Weight Watchers and it's still a favorite when I'm trying to eat healthier. I love to cut up an apple, sprinkle some cinnamon on it, and microwave it for 3 minutes. It's soooo good! The apple is softer, but still a little crunchy, and the flavor is great. Try it and let me know if you like it! 

Oh, and a nice glass of like Perrier is the perfect accompaniment! 

 

 

Day 7-11 Updates!

Time to update! I'm so behind. 

Saturday, Day 7: We went to Lake Michigan for the day and I packed my little snacks and was happy as a clam!

It was sad because we drove by the Dairy Bar and normally Mom, Dad, and I would've stopped. Or we would have a special snack at night. It's ridiculous how much our lives revolve around food. 

Sunday, Day 8: I was very nervous for this day. First there was a lunch at church between services. I knew there wouldn't be anything I could eat, so I went to the grocery store. All I wanted was some turkey and I cannot find any that doesn't contain sugar! I had a bit of a "meltdown" (I hate when parents use that phrase about their kids' fits) and had to voice message Katie while on the verge of tears. "I just want to eat!" I ended up getting some guacamole and carrots. *yawn* BUT I found some La Croix on sale and it's all natural so I was able to buy some of that. Yum! Michigan made products rock! 

After church was Kyrstin's bridal shower tea. This was tough! There was a bunch of cupcakes and I wanted to eat just a baby one. But I didn't cave! Thank GOD there was a ton of fruit and veggies so I filled up my plate with those and enjoyed every bite. I also enjoyed some naturally flavored tea and had a grand ol' time!

After my meltdown at the store, I have been fine! I thought that was the start of the psychological aspect but I seek to be ok!

Monday....nothing exciting happened. I made steak and was so excited to eat it but missed A1. :(

Tuesday, Day 10: Since I missed dipping my steak in something, I decided to try the Whole30 mayo recipe. It was very good! I used the juice from almost a full lemon for flavor. Very satisfying and tastes just like mayo!

Wednesday, Day 11: Today I put some chicken in a crock pot with some salsa and lemon juice before work. After work my apartment smelled glorious. I added some cumin, garlic powder, and onion powder, and shredded it. It was good as a taco salad with lettuce, onion, peppers, and avocado! I could really taste the lemon! 

My main issue is breakfast and lunch. I have such a hard time eating eggs or meat in the morning, and I have NEVER liked packing a lunch. So I have been eating just fruit basically for breakfast and lunch this week which isn't the best idea. :-/

Is it weird that I'm not noticing much difference after cutting out SO many things? I may be a little less tired but I don't feel any huge benefits yet. Though today I did wear my watch on a looser notch, and a coworker I hadn't seen in a while said I look like I'm losing weight. Both positives!

Katie and I talked today and both feel like we can make it through the rest of the program. We're going strong! Going to try to be better prepared for lunch tomorrow. 

 

Days 4-6

Day 4

Wow have I been having weird dreams! Very vivid, totally crazy, and lots of dreams about eating bad food! 

One awesome thing I've noticed is that my heart pounding/racing less! For the past few months, my heart will just POUND for no reason. Two times I was at the dr and they checked my heart rate and were concerned. Once I was sitting on my balcony for about 20 mins when I noticed my heart pounding. I checked my heart rate and it was 108.

I do notice I have more energy later at night when I should be winding down for bedtime. We will see if his lasts or not!

Day 5

Still feeling fine. I didn't eat enough at lunch and by the end of my work day I had the beginnings of a bad headache. It got worse and worse even after eating and finally started getting better after 3 ibuprofen and 1 ibuprofen PM! 

Before leaving Lansing for my 2.5 hr drive to my parents house, I stopped at Horrock's for some kombucha. I tried to open it in the car and it fizzed all over! I quickly closed the lid and cleaned up. Thank God for the Lysol wipes I always have handy! I let the kombucha slowly fizz for at least a half hour, slowly loosening the cap every once in a while. Finally I had enough and just opened it with a napkin and slurped up the fizzy bubbles haha! I'm not really sure what the big attraction is; it tastes exactly like...maybe a sparkling wine or something. It's definitely not thirst quenching! I don't like alcohol and don't want to acquire a taste for it, so I think I'll b staying away from the kombucha! 

Day 6

I'm at my parents' house and it's not TOO bad because they are doing Atkins, along with one of my brothers. It was a little sad when my youngest brother came into the room eating a big bowl of ice cream and I couldn't even have a taste! Mom and Dad have a nice grill so I grilled some chicken tenderloins and they were delish! I brought all of my food for the weekend so I'm prepared! 

I need to cut back on the Larabars. They have quite a few calories and eat too many! 

 

Tomorrow we are going to Lake Michigan so I'm going to pack lots of fruit and boiled eggs and such. It shouldn't be too difficult, but we always snack on the beach so that will be a tough habit to get through. 

It's odd to me that I'm not experiencing horrible detox. Maybe it will take longer than a week to get all of the junk I was eating out of my system! 

Have a great weekend everyone!

 

Day 3

Today was day 3 of Whole30. There really wasn't much going on today, except Katie told me we can have almond butter. That was exciting! I found some at Horrock's, Lansing's best store! When I heard about Whole30, I decided to do it within 72 hours so I read the book in a whirlwind and must've retained only the important parts. Larabars and almond butter will definitely make this program much more doable I think! I just have to make sure I don't abuse them and use them for cravings.

No more fatigue than normal today and I didn't take a nap. Bring on day 4!

 

Day 2

I was pretty grouchy this morning but I don't think anything to do with my food. If one more person mentioned my sunburn, I was going to blow! As if I didn't know I'm red as a lobster, geewhiz! I felt yucky and soon as I woke up, but I think it's because I took ibuprofen p.m. last night before bed. I enjoyed a huge salad at lunch, but the aftertaste from the homemade ranch was horrible! I miss gum! 

One of our patients gave us a huge box of Russell Stover candy. It was quite tempting, especially with the garlic/onion/ranch aftertaste. But I did great!

Later in the day, Katie informed me that Larabars are acceptable so I went and grabbed some of those. This link was helpful and choosing the Whole30 approved flavors. I think they will be a lifesaver for me on this program!

 I wasn't hungry for dinner at all. I fell asleep on my couch at seven which is pretty normal for me, unfortunately. Going to try to sleep now for the rest of the night, but I'll probably have to take some melatonin. Hoping I'll have some better sleep patterns by the end of this!

 

Day 1

So today has been pretty good, so far. 

The main thing I missed is gum! We always have a greeting time at church and Mom always made us have gum so we have fresh breath when saying hi and shaking hands with everyone. It was hard not grabbing some out of my Bible bag! 

After church I fried a couple of eggs in ghee (yes, ghee!) and used coconut aminos instead of ketchup on them. It was good!!! I had never even heard of ghee or coconut aminos until a couple of days ago. 

 

It's kind of frowned upon on Whole30, but I've been doing some snacking on cherries because I legit felt hungry. Right now I have a slight headache, which could be from lack of bad foods or waiting a bit too long to eat because I was prepping!

After enjoying some sun and pool time, I made ranch dressing that's Whole30 approved, and it's pretty good. I used the recipe from this blog. Not only did I make ranch, but I boiled eggs, baked a sweet potato, AND made my lunch for tomorrow. That's a big deal for me since I usually just wing it. 

On to day 2!

 

 

T Minus One Day

This evening I find myself in a rather annoyed mood for no reason. I wasn't really sure what was going on and then I remembered: I'm starting Whole30 tomorrow. I think my subconscious is freaking out about not having sugar every few hours of every day. It blows my mind how reliant I am on sugar. 

I had never even heard of Whole30 until Thursday, when Katie mentioned it on her Facebook. I looked into it and thought it might be worth a try. I like how it focuses on improving health including psychological health. My relationship with food is so distorted and unhealthy, and I don't think anyone understands how bad it is. I really need to go back to therapy, but I don't want to pay the co-pay every week. My life is out of control in every area, and I'm hoping Whole30 will help me in the health and weight loss arenas. My goals are to change the way I look at and think about food, become healthier, and hopefully lose weight! I don't want food to dominate my every thought. When I was put on depression medication a few years ago, I felt great and didn't think about food constantly, but that only lasted for a few months. Since moving away from home last year, the downward spiral has continued. Failed diets and more binging than ever before are what my life consists of. Maybe if I had something else to think about I wouldn't think about food constantly.  I even have high cholesterol, and lately my heart has been pounding at random times for no reason at all which really scares me since my grandma has had a million heart attacks and she's young. 

The withdrawal symptoms are going to be horrible, and I know I'm going to probably cry, throw a fit or two, feel even more tired than usual, and just be plain grouchy. That's when I'll be needing the most support! 

Speaking of support, thank God for Katie! If it wasn't for her there's no way I could even begin to think that I could succeed at this. I know I can call/text/FaceTime/whatever her when I'm having a super bad craving. We have been texting nonstop about our meal prep and I know we will be able to make it together. Even with her living states away, we'll be fine. I'm definitely not afraid to be honest with her!

I'm not worried at all about the food on the program. I love healthy food! I just seem to like sugar better, sadly! My dad is the same way, and his dad, and his mom was...Definitely an unfortunate family addiction! I'm already buying some "weird" foods that I've never heard of until reading the book! Today I went to Whole Foods (for the first time!) and bought ghee and coconut aminos! 

I should be excited to try new recipes but I'm really not too thrilled. I don't really ever want to do anything except watch TV and sleep, so the meal prep will take some extra motivation. I'm hoping at the end of this I will be happier, healthier, have more energy, and feel great. 

This is quite a random blog post, but my thoughts are bouncing all over tonight! I'm going to write every day, even if it's just one sentence, to help keep myself accountable and to get some assistance from others if needed. 

Here goes nothing!