Days 4-6

Day 4

Wow have I been having weird dreams! Very vivid, totally crazy, and lots of dreams about eating bad food! 

One awesome thing I've noticed is that my heart pounding/racing less! For the past few months, my heart will just POUND for no reason. Two times I was at the dr and they checked my heart rate and were concerned. Once I was sitting on my balcony for about 20 mins when I noticed my heart pounding. I checked my heart rate and it was 108.

I do notice I have more energy later at night when I should be winding down for bedtime. We will see if his lasts or not!

Day 5

Still feeling fine. I didn't eat enough at lunch and by the end of my work day I had the beginnings of a bad headache. It got worse and worse even after eating and finally started getting better after 3 ibuprofen and 1 ibuprofen PM! 

Before leaving Lansing for my 2.5 hr drive to my parents house, I stopped at Horrock's for some kombucha. I tried to open it in the car and it fizzed all over! I quickly closed the lid and cleaned up. Thank God for the Lysol wipes I always have handy! I let the kombucha slowly fizz for at least a half hour, slowly loosening the cap every once in a while. Finally I had enough and just opened it with a napkin and slurped up the fizzy bubbles haha! I'm not really sure what the big attraction is; it tastes exactly like...maybe a sparkling wine or something. It's definitely not thirst quenching! I don't like alcohol and don't want to acquire a taste for it, so I think I'll b staying away from the kombucha! 

Day 6

I'm at my parents' house and it's not TOO bad because they are doing Atkins, along with one of my brothers. It was a little sad when my youngest brother came into the room eating a big bowl of ice cream and I couldn't even have a taste! Mom and Dad have a nice grill so I grilled some chicken tenderloins and they were delish! I brought all of my food for the weekend so I'm prepared! 

I need to cut back on the Larabars. They have quite a few calories and eat too many! 

 

Tomorrow we are going to Lake Michigan so I'm going to pack lots of fruit and boiled eggs and such. It shouldn't be too difficult, but we always snack on the beach so that will be a tough habit to get through. 

It's odd to me that I'm not experiencing horrible detox. Maybe it will take longer than a week to get all of the junk I was eating out of my system! 

Have a great weekend everyone!

 

Day 3

Today was day 3 of Whole30. There really wasn't much going on today, except Katie told me we can have almond butter. That was exciting! I found some at Horrock's, Lansing's best store! When I heard about Whole30, I decided to do it within 72 hours so I read the book in a whirlwind and must've retained only the important parts. Larabars and almond butter will definitely make this program much more doable I think! I just have to make sure I don't abuse them and use them for cravings.

No more fatigue than normal today and I didn't take a nap. Bring on day 4!

 

Day 1

So today has been pretty good, so far. 

The main thing I missed is gum! We always have a greeting time at church and Mom always made us have gum so we have fresh breath when saying hi and shaking hands with everyone. It was hard not grabbing some out of my Bible bag! 

After church I fried a couple of eggs in ghee (yes, ghee!) and used coconut aminos instead of ketchup on them. It was good!!! I had never even heard of ghee or coconut aminos until a couple of days ago. 

 

It's kind of frowned upon on Whole30, but I've been doing some snacking on cherries because I legit felt hungry. Right now I have a slight headache, which could be from lack of bad foods or waiting a bit too long to eat because I was prepping!

After enjoying some sun and pool time, I made ranch dressing that's Whole30 approved, and it's pretty good. I used the recipe from this blog. Not only did I make ranch, but I boiled eggs, baked a sweet potato, AND made my lunch for tomorrow. That's a big deal for me since I usually just wing it. 

On to day 2!

 

 

T Minus One Day

This evening I find myself in a rather annoyed mood for no reason. I wasn't really sure what was going on and then I remembered: I'm starting Whole30 tomorrow. I think my subconscious is freaking out about not having sugar every few hours of every day. It blows my mind how reliant I am on sugar. 

I had never even heard of Whole30 until Thursday, when Katie mentioned it on her Facebook. I looked into it and thought it might be worth a try. I like how it focuses on improving health including psychological health. My relationship with food is so distorted and unhealthy, and I don't think anyone understands how bad it is. I really need to go back to therapy, but I don't want to pay the co-pay every week. My life is out of control in every area, and I'm hoping Whole30 will help me in the health and weight loss arenas. My goals are to change the way I look at and think about food, become healthier, and hopefully lose weight! I don't want food to dominate my every thought. When I was put on depression medication a few years ago, I felt great and didn't think about food constantly, but that only lasted for a few months. Since moving away from home last year, the downward spiral has continued. Failed diets and more binging than ever before are what my life consists of. Maybe if I had something else to think about I wouldn't think about food constantly.  I even have high cholesterol, and lately my heart has been pounding at random times for no reason at all which really scares me since my grandma has had a million heart attacks and she's young. 

The withdrawal symptoms are going to be horrible, and I know I'm going to probably cry, throw a fit or two, feel even more tired than usual, and just be plain grouchy. That's when I'll be needing the most support! 

Speaking of support, thank God for Katie! If it wasn't for her there's no way I could even begin to think that I could succeed at this. I know I can call/text/FaceTime/whatever her when I'm having a super bad craving. We have been texting nonstop about our meal prep and I know we will be able to make it together. Even with her living states away, we'll be fine. I'm definitely not afraid to be honest with her!

I'm not worried at all about the food on the program. I love healthy food! I just seem to like sugar better, sadly! My dad is the same way, and his dad, and his mom was...Definitely an unfortunate family addiction! I'm already buying some "weird" foods that I've never heard of until reading the book! Today I went to Whole Foods (for the first time!) and bought ghee and coconut aminos! 

I should be excited to try new recipes but I'm really not too thrilled. I don't really ever want to do anything except watch TV and sleep, so the meal prep will take some extra motivation. I'm hoping at the end of this I will be happier, healthier, have more energy, and feel great. 

This is quite a random blog post, but my thoughts are bouncing all over tonight! I'm going to write every day, even if it's just one sentence, to help keep myself accountable and to get some assistance from others if needed. 

Here goes nothing!

My New Life

A few months ago, I faced something that for me, was rather life changing. Now that I am feeling better and more confident, I want to share my story. This is something I typed up right after my diagnosis.

October 21 seems to be a significant day for me. 10 years ago, the North album by Something Corporate came out. It was such a life shaping collection of songs for me! I cannot imagine my life without that band or those songs. 10 years later, October 21, 2013, I was diagnosed with severe depression, mild anxiety, and Binge Eating Disorder. I am no longer normal. I am broken. Right now, I feel ok. Because there is actually something wrong with me, I think it makes me feel better. I believe I have been depressed for the past 3 years, maybe longer. The psychologist was very nice and it went pretty much as I expected. She did ask a few questions that threw me off, but I'm sure that's the point of therapy. My Mom has suspected something was wrong with me for years. She has had the Drs check my thyroid, and even asked them if I was bipolar. One Dr. said "There's no test for that" and sent us on our way. Looking back, I wonder if we should've pursued this lead. (The psychologist doesn't believe I am bipolar. WHEW!) Last week I looked up something on BED, and saw that it said it is a side effect of depression usually. I didn't think anything of it until two coworkers/friends and I were talking and I explained how I just want to lie in my bed all day and look at the tv. One of them said "That sounds more like depression to me than hypothyroid..." which got me thinking. The more I read and thought about it, the more I was convinced I was depressed. I told the Dr. first thing that I wonder if the BED is a symptom of depression, and she said yes. So I was totally correct in BOTH of the self diagnoses! I wish I was wrong though. Because the depression is severe, I have to go tomorrow and see a Dr. for medication. WHAT this can't be my life! The more I let it sink in, it seems weird. To actually have something wrong with me and not just be irritable and grouchy and sad for no reason?! At least there is a reason and I can start getting better. Another thing the Dr said that is important is that depression is a symptom of hypothyroidism. So now I need to go to my regular Dr (who is actually on maternity leave right now) and get a referral to an endocrinologist to pursue that route. I feel as though some people think I'm a hypochondriac, and that hurts me. Feeling like this is the worst, I can't just snap out of it! On Saturday my family was upstairs laughing and carrying on, and I was lying in my bed crying for no apparent reason, other than the fact that I wanted to join them but just couldn't. That kind of scared me but thankfully cousin Paige was texting me through it. After the appt I was praying and thanking God for helping me through the appt, actually getting there in the first place, etc. The only words I could utter were "Thank you" and it just felt like it was enough. He knows exactly what I am going through and exactly what I need. I think He is leading me down the path to recovery and happiness. After I got to work, I spoke with my boss Denice, who is also a friend. I told her I hadn't even uttered the words yet to myself, and when I told her I started crying and sobbing. She is awesome and helped me calm down. "Maybe God is putting you through this so you can help others someday! You will actually be able to say 'I have been through this and this is how I did it'!" I never even thought of that. I don't want to tell my mom. She is sometimes judgmental, and I have to admit, I was too, when it comes to mental illness. I'm afraid she will say "What do YOU have to be depressed about?!" Well it's not like it's a choice! It's chemicals in my brain that aren't right! I will have to tell my dad, as he is the insurance carrier and will see the psychological counseling place on his insurance I'm sure. I am at my Paige's right now. I have so many questions. Though I have researched depression and learned about it in school, it doesn't prepare for when YOU are the one diagnosed with it. Well, I just wanted to get this on paper. Or screen, I guess. I've been wanting to start a blog for a while and I thought this would be a good place to start. October 21, 2013, another life changing day, I am guessing. Shanel 10/21/13 4:38 pm

Well, there it is. Indeed, it was a life changing day. Since then, I have learned that I do NOT have thyroid issues, and it is depression, anxiety, and BED. My therapist thinks I have had the BED since about age 8, and have concluded that I have been depressed for 12 years-starting my freshman year of high school. She says because I have been depressed for so long, I most likely was born this way, without enough chemicals to balance things out. For some reason, I feel the need to share my story, rather than sweep it under the rug like most people do. Maybe that's because I am not very good at keeping secrets? Haha! But for real, I am surprised at the people I have heard who have gone through similar situations with depression, and I never knew about it. An issue I have come across is the fact that I am a Christian who has mental health issues. I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought they would think I wasn't right with God and that's why I am going facing this. I even found myself thinking "Why isn't God enough? Why can't He get me through this?" Sadly, that's how many people think of depression and mental illness. Not as an actual medical issue, but one that's made up and easily fixed. For the record, I was put on medication right away due to the severity of the depression, and am now down to therapy only once every other week. It took 4 weeks and doubling the dose of meds, but after a couple months, I can honestly say I have never felt this good or thought so clearly in my entire life! And I don't think that's just because of the medical intervention-it's God. The way I feel is mind blowing to be. Every day I think "Wow I feel so good!" and sometimes I wonder how long it will last. Feeling the way I did is not something I ever want to experience again, and I am confident that I won't, as long as I stick to what works. I no longer think about food 24/7, which I thought was normal. Sometimes I actually forget to eat! And I rarely binge anymore, so PTL! There was one weird side effect that I had for a while: yawning! Ha! It was so annoying and huge yawns. Going through this process has done nothing but brought me even closer to God, as I have had to rely on Him even more than before. People say you shouldn't care what others think of you, but deep down, everyone does. Why NOT share this part of my life? Like Denice said, maybe I can help someone else who is suffering because of sharing my story? It's worth a try. Thanks for reading, and have a blessed day.