Wait

Thank you all for the kind blog comments, texts, Facebook messages, Facebook comments, pins, shares, and phone calls regarding my last post ( depression blog ) I really didn't expect it to get that much attention, and especially not such POSITIVE attention! Ya'll really made me feel special! Bless your hearts! I have also found out about many many cousins and relatives (over a dozen!) who have the same diagnosis, mainly on my dad's side. Most of them just prefer to hide it, which makes me glad I "came out" about it, rather than just pretend it isn't there.

"Wait" has been a big theme in my life. With how good I have been feeling, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like had I found out about my depression earlier in life. Sometimes I am angry, especially when I think of all the times I struggled with being in such a dark place and thought that was normal. It makes me sad. When these thoughts come to mind, I remind myself that there is a reason for not figuring it out til age 24. It could've been much later! God has a master plan that is yet to be revealed, and I have to patiently wait. There's a reason He made me go through all of this, and like I said, if I can help and encourage just one person for Christ, then it is all worth it. Though I have a great career as an occupational therapy assistant, and my mom says I am really good at it, my biggest career goal is to be a "trophy wife"! HA! Not just in looks (I can dream, right?) but in character, integrity, and the Proverbs 31 sense. Kids were never on my agenda until I was about 20, then I decided I want 4 or 5! I have really struggled the last 5 years with the fact that I am single and no future husband is in sight. Knowing what I know now, thank GOD I didn't get married at a young age like I wanted! The undiagnosed depression would've made for horrible relationship, I am sure. Once again, God said "Wait!" Preparing to be a wife is something that has been heavy on my heart as well. The older I get, the more

I see how difficult marriage is, and how much work/dedication/selflessness it takes. I am reading Tim Tebow's book (again...hehe) and his mother, Pam, is just amazing. She is my ultimate role model when it comes to homemaking and parenting! It just makes me realize how much I have to do to get to that point where I could be even half as great as her. I have really been stressing/thinking about this lately (which is super annoying since marriage is not even on my radar right now,) but I just keep assuring myself that there will never be a point where I know everything! I feel like if I prepare myself to be a wife and then mother, I will be READY when the time comes, but I don't think we are ever fully ready for anything. If we had to wait until we were ready to do the big stuff in life, we wouldn't get much accomplished. There will always be more handy advice, another book to read, another Bible study to do, and always room for improvement. And that's ok, because that's how God made us. I will never be the perfect person, sister, daughter, wife, mother, etc. Waiting on Him and trusting His timing is my latest conquest. Essentially the whole point of LIFE as humans in general is to keep growing, and to keep striving to be more like HIM every day.

So that is what I'm going attempt to do. Who is with me? Have a blessed week!
-Nellie